Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2009, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2008-12-04T16:12:27-07:00 2 daily Calgary drivers http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/clg/945284421.html I have had it with Calgarians who, in their own horseshoe mustache wearing, 90210 sideburn pomping, drivers seat slouching, wifebeater shirt wearing style think they have more superior driving skills than the average hick. Here are a couple of examples of a typical driving experience on any given day in cowtown: The Substitute Car manufacturers install a small stem with arrows displayed on it located on the left hand side of a steering wheel for one reason. Unfortunately, a large percentage of you don't have the common sense that a Class 5 gave you (if you have the education to have one) to understand what it is for, hence you don't use it. Pull stem down for left, push up for right, not pull wheel to right and left depending on where the closest hockey game is playing. There is nothing more annoying than having Joe Stampede in front of you weaving in and out of lanes without signaling, simply because he is wasting precious hockey time getting to the nearest pub to tell his friends how much he knows about the size differential between Kipper and Iggys dick. The Nascar Just because you went to Canadian Tire, blew your cheque on a $100 performance exhaust and a cheap fuel filter to replace those already rusted onto your 1994 Honda Civic and to make your dick feel larger, doesnt mean that your car is Nascar worthy or that anyone will mistake you for Mario. Its pathetic when I see gunners blowing rust up a main road, weaving in and out of traffic just so they can meet their friends waiting at a McDonalds parking lot to tell them how many people they blew away. It is amusing when you think someone actually went through the trouble of replacing his exhaust for 30 extra horsepower, half that if there is rust, foolish enough to think that the lawnmower/bee sound is going to impress those around them. Those exhausts will even be more laughable in about 5 years, about as cool as we thought having an Alpine tape deck was 15 years ago. A word of advice: Buy a real car without having to decorate the piece of shit you already have. The Communicator It has been 25 years since it was first introduced, but Calgarians and everyone else in the world still think it is the cats meow to be seen on a cell phone. They will risk their life trying to maneuver their vehicle on the road while using it, walk through any public area in an otherwise private conversation using it, and sooner or later they will be able to swim with one so everyone around can see how uber-cool you really are. Bluetooth developed the technology for one reason: to get the phone off your ear. It is popular, but not so much for people who are still caught up in the 80s in the fantasy that people might think you are on a tight agenda at 18 while shopping for a new pair of plastic earrings at Wal-Mart. They are the ones I see who are much too cool to have a wireless transmitter in their ear. I just hope someday that my cell phone will make me as awesome as they are and people will only then understand why I am driving all over the road, slumped in my seat while looking around to verify that people notice I am talking on the latest verge of communication technology from 25 years ago. The Bumper Sticker Driving mere inches away from my bumper is not going to make me go any faster. It may have worked for you last night when someone couldnt see the impatient bastard behind them and pulled to the other lane to let you pass, but it will never work when you are on my watch. I am ahead of you for a reason, so suck it up or pull over and take a breather. If anything, I will be all the more eager to slowing down only to piss your ass off even more. I see you in my rear view, and waving your hands or dancing like its senior prom isnt going to make me fear the choleric prick behind me that is you. The Illuminator High beam headlights are meant for improving visibility for the road ahead, generally for long distances to avoid animals which may wander into your path or when there is poor visibility due to weather. As important as you might think you are, especially with your new Xenon Halogen headlights blinding towards me on a main road, only reminds me of the little sense you have for using them on an otherwise clear night. The Christopher Columbus Sunday drives are great, as long as you have some idea where you are going. If you dont, get a map. Wandering aimlessly, looking around for something you have no clue of finding is pointless. Unless you know the address, dont leave home without one. The Surveyor So someone had a case of misfortune and caused an accident, but that doesnt give you a right to assess the situation and make traffic even worse by slowing down. Looking at an accident isnt going to help them, and there is no response team waiting up ahead for your two cents. Keep moving. The Clown If you never had enough time to put on all your makeup before you left, attempting to finish it on your way to your destination only tells me you have too much to hide, like consideration for the road for instance. If you dont make it a habit to pee in your drivers seat, obviously your car isnt a bathroom and you can wait to paint when you park. The Messenger Yelling at me through a closed window because your dick is too small or my car is everything yours will never be is not my problem. I am not a lip reader, so if you have something to say, try being all you can be and wave me to the nearest exit. The Cenobite Having bumper stickers that read Jesus lives or Jesus Saves or God hates Calgary drivers too is not going to make you holier than thou. Some extremists here have even hand painted religious rhetoric on their vehicles, probably in the false belief that God will spare their Volkswagon, their vegetables, fuzzy dice and yellow Crocs simply because he appreciated the fact that they visited Paint Your World. The Conductor Even though your time is so precious, sitting on a railroad track in traffic is not going to make you go faster in the direction you are going. Rather, if you get hit, you are going to find it a little difficult to switch lanes without signaling, pass everyone else, be uber-cool on your cellphone, ride my bumper, blind me, wonder where you are, ponder accidents, put on your face, yell at me and praise the lord all while the train is pushing your 1994 Honda Civic into oblivion. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-12-04T16:12:27-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/clg/945284421.html Calgary drivers text The girl who took a dump in the Art Institute parking lot! - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/944397175.html I mean, come on! It was like 50 paces to the nearest restroom! I sat there in my car wondering what the hell you were up to - you spent at least 2 minutes scurrying around your parked car, looking to see if the coast was clear. I thought you were going to, like, break into someone else's car or something. Then I guessed you thought you were "safe" and hurried to the front of your car, near the third level stairwell, dropped your pants, squatted and WENT TO IT! For Christ's sake, woman! All the time you spent looking out for passing cars so no one would see you crapping like a dog in public, you could have hustled your lazy ass downstairs and into the building and USED THE DAMNED RESTROOM! Sheesh! Anyway - if you're free later, drop me a line. I was never more turned on in my life. <ul> <li> Location: Santa Monica <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-12-03T23:53:44-08:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/944397175.html The girl who took a dump in the Art Institute parking lot! - m4w text CAT FOUND! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/fay/938646501.html I found this guy the other day on my back porch. I tried feeding him and it turns out that he is not very friendly because i think he may be scared. Not quite sure the breed but I am assuming he is part Siamese. I have him in a crate because he is not really house broken. If he is yours please reply. <img src="938646501.1.jpg"> <img src="938646501.2.jpg"> <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-29T21:25:25-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/fay/938646501.html CAT FOUND! text FOUND - Briefcase w/ Odd Items http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hmb/936096521.html Large silver briefcase (metal). No locks. Odd items inside include a 14 inch length of plastic tube about one and a half inches in diameter, a solid rod of plastic about 20 inches long and a little under one and a half inches in diameter. Several tubes of KY jelly (don't ask me, I just found it). Here's the really odd thing: there were five Gerbils in a plastic container with breather holes in it. I put them in a mouse cage with some shredded wood chips, water, and food. Respond to this add so I can return your stuff. If no respone in a week, I'll give the Gerbils to the animal shelter and turn the rest of the stuff over to the Sheriff Dept. Thanks. <ul> <li> Location: Eureka <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-27T09:31:12-08:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hmb/936096521.html FOUND - Briefcase w/ Odd Items text Wretched ill-natured panicky Guineas http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pit/933339437.html I have more Guinea cock birds than hens, am kicking out the single dudes. One lavender and two "royal purple" birds available. Hatched mid-July. $10 each or $25 for all three. Or will trade for laying hens or possibly some other good-natured poultry, turkeys maybe, no peafowl. Have been free-ranging, now penned in Guinea Alcatraz in my barn. These birds have been hateful towards my laying pullets, and I do not recommend them if they will share a coop with chickens or other small poultry of other species. Maybe gamecocks. That would be karmic. They aren't aggressive towards people, cats, or dogs -- but then, the people, cats, and dogs around here don't take crap from birds. They are not tame, and are still convinced after four months that I'm going to eat them in the morning. This is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. These birds do great tick and insect control, and don't tear up the garden the way chickens do. Not as filthy as most poultry. They are very noisy. If your neighbor has a barking dog or annoying offspring, these would be fine revenge. If you just find it amusing to see brainless alien freaks that look like old-style football helmets running around on tiny orange legs, they will fit the bill. Buy my surplus ill-natured Guineas. They are too scrawny for Thanksgiving. The do not have laser beams strapped to their heads. <img src="933339437.jpg"> <ul> <li> Location: Harmony <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-25T05:29:55-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pit/933339437.html Wretched ill-natured panicky Guineas text To the wingnut who stole my Obama/Biden magnet and left a note - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/926611821.html I was really angry when I got to my car, which was minding its own business parked in the Barnes & Noble parking lot, and I saw that someone had stolen my precious Obama magnet! I waited more than 2 months for that magnet to come in the mail!! But then as I was driving home I noticed a small white paper flapping in the breeze under my windshield wiper. I pulled over to retrieve it and it was a sloppily-scribbled, psychotic expression of your wingnut political beliefs. I do not care about your paranoid mental disorder (I quote: "Are you ready to give up your freedom? It's COMING MORON!!") You stole my magnet. I want it back. I'll give you 24 hours to put it back on my scion, which will be parked there tomorrow... or I will take the scrap of Wells Fargo bank statement you wrote your wing-note on to my friend who works for Wells Fargo. She will scan the barcode on the corner of your note and tell me who you are. And I will come steal something YOU value, perhaps your fingernail clipping collection or John McCain blow-up doll! You have until sundown Thursday, douchbag! <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-20T00:49:48-08:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/926611821.html To the wingnut who stole my Obama/Biden magnet and left a note - w4m text Why I'll never succeed in the W4M forum! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/922341081.html I've been an avid reader, occasional poster and extremely rare responder of the Craigslist personals for about a year now, and I've noticed some common (and hilarious) threads of interest among the women of Fort Collins. I'd like to take a minute to break it down for you, ghetto style, so you can recognize the following horrific cliches and just maybe avoid getting flagged as spam. <center>ReadySetGo!!!!</center> "Seeking a man that's at least 6 feet tall. I like to wear high heels" - Damn, totally boned here. I'm only 5'8 or maybe 5'9', apparently equaling "somewhere between midget and elf, and therefore undatable", even though the average American male height is 5'10. And 6 feet tall? What kind of shoes are you wearing anyway? Some shit from the lunar landing? Next... "Must love animals" - Great... You mean I have to pretend to like your floofy poodle/chihuahua/norway rat mixed breed long enough to maybe earn some kisses? Or that huge mastiff that's physically capable of kicking me out of your bed? How about the cat that's contemplating using my balls as a scratching post every time I walk around in my boxers? I think I'll exit stage right before the fucker eats my socks again. "Looking for a God-fearing man" - I get the biggest kick out of this one. Why would you be afraid of your own imaginary friend? Seems like you'd better imagine something a little less hostile. I'd suggest Papa Smurf. "Must like the outdoors" - Barring a select few dweebs I've met that live in their parents' basement and mainline Mountain Dew so they can play World of Warcraft for 87 hours straight, most human beings like being outside at some point. Sure, I'll go for a day hike with you. Does that mean I want to live in the woods for a month and wipe my ass with a pine cone? No thanks! "Looking for friends first" - Cool, I'm always down for more friends. Wait, what's that you say? Your hot friend Brittany is single? Excuse me while I ask her for her phone number. "Must love children" - Unlike the mighty lion (who will kill and eat cubs from rival males) I say the more kids, the better! We can open our own sweatshop and they can make you shoes. I call being the manager! "I like having fun" - Whew, what a relief! I'm meeting too many people these days that think having fun sucks. I'm a big fan of fun myself! We have so much in common. "Must like to dance" - Really? Have you ever met a straight guy that wants to go dancing? Wait, I take that back. I do know one guy, but he's from Puerto Rico or something. Come to think of it, he's probably gay. That's right, Jorge - I've got you figured out. "I like going out, but also enjoy staying in for a quiet night at home" - That's great, because staying home or going out and doing something are pretty much the only two options you have. So in conclusion, I say the luck of the Irish be with you lovely ladies of Fort Collins in your search for a badass Daniel Craig-era James Bond lookalike that will dance the Macarena with Mr. Cuddlekins the Poodle whilst purchasing you an all-expenses-paid vacation to Maui. Just keep in mind that Mr. Bond is only 5'10. ****Oh, and if you can break the bounds of the above mentioned issues (and you're hot) send me an email. We can trade pictures or baseball cards. But no trade backs.**** <ul> <li> Location: Fort Knuckle <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-17T06:40:49-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/922341081.html Why I'll never succeed in the W4M forum! text To the guy I slapped across the face in the bar... - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/okc/922119532.html Dear average-looking frat boy, The image of your face when I slapped you (left-handed,too, because my drink was in my right), is one I won't soon forget. My friend had gone to the bathroom, so when I felt a hand grab and slightly grope my ass, I had no reason to suspect that it was her who felt me up, rather than you, the innocent bystander. I quickly turned over my shoulder and gave you a quizzical look, which you must have interpreted as come-hither, because you winked and gave me a knowing nod. Taking this as acknowledgment of "your" action, I slapped you. Hard. This was the first time I had ever slapped anyone, and I immediately felt empowered and fully justified, having not relied on my boyfriend to stand up for my fragile female ego. Yay, feminism! This quickly turned to shock however, as I looked over at my friend, doubled over, red in the face and gasping for breath from laughing hysterically. Immediately putting two and two together, I turned to you, still standing with a very bewildered and increasingly angry look on your face. "Ohmygod, I'm so sorry-she..I.. I thought...", I struggled to apologize. "Get away from me, I don't know what's going on, get away you crazy bitch"... and then you backed up and ran away. I probably would have done the same thing, so I don't blame you for running away. I wanted to chase you and explain, but thought better of it for several reasons. I can only imagine the stories the next morning as your buddies rehashed the situation, still wondering why a random girl slapped you for no reason. At least now you (hopefully) know the reason. I'm still sorry. Let me know, and I'll buy you a drink, at a safe distance, so you can be sure no violence will occur. I promise. Sincerely, The crazy girl who (somewhat accidently) slapped you across the face <ul> <li> Location: Norman <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-16T22:24:22-06:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/okc/922119532.html To the guy I slapped across the face in the bar... - w4m text TO THE SIX-FOOT FOUR TRANSVESTITE - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/921041252.html Ill file this under m4w as a compliment to your cross-dressing skills. Our paths crossed when you went to the voting center a few weeks back, presumably to vote. You: -Sporting a miniskirt. Heavy emphasis on "mini." I don't know what you had to do to fold your package in on itself but it was an epic feat (without venturing above the midriff, I might add). I can only imagine it involves a quarter-roll of packing tape and a gram of Vicodin every single day to pull off. Bravo, to you. - Six-foot four. I can't imagine where one finds a miniskirt for a six-foot four man. Is there some WNBA clothing store I'm not aware of? Do you just tape two of them together and call it a day? Being about your height I know how hard it can be to find good-fitting clothes. For men. You found a miniskirt that you managed to contort into right after you taped your balls to your pelvis. - The hair. I know, I know. It's hard enough to shave your face. And the fact that you were born a hairy male isn't helping your cause either. The face was shaved, sadly elsewhere was not. But you wore it proud. I'd classify your grooming as "tranny casual." I do think, though, that if you really want to sell people you're going to have to do something about that back hair. Your tank top, despite a heroic effort, was no match. - The tank top. Whats a boygirl to wear when they go the miniskirt route? You answered definitively by sporting a tank top. Sure, your hair wasnt deterred by a flimsy womens garment, but most people probably stopped at the miniskirt, so whos going to notice, right? I did, buddy. But I think with a good proper razor and some strong discipline, your broad shoulders will finally have the time in the spotlight they so rightfully deserve. - The button. You had no intention of stopping at a miniskirt and tank top. Normal transvestites, dare I say the majority of them, would have ended it there. Not you, good sirmadam. The ALPHA FEMALE button was the icing on your cake. It wasn't a small button, either. Don't worry, if no one had noticed by then that you probably had your package vacuum-sealed to your lower stomach under the miniskirt, then you wouldve been just another tranny walking by. But I tell you that on Election Day, when every man woman and in-between was wearing a button, a thirty-something six-foot four oddly-broad-shouldered individual with a baritone voice wearing a large ALPHA FEMALE button really made a statement. I was very impressed (and nothing more, mind you). <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-16T00:11:15-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/921041252.html TO THE SIX-FOOT FOUR TRANSVESTITE - m4w text Why doesn't anyone ever miss a connection with me? http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nfk/920438509.html Everywhere I go, I scan my surroundings and wonder if someone is secretly plotting a CL missed connection post for me. "We locked eyes briefly at the Dollar Store as you were picking out those heavy flow maxi-pads. You smiled at me so innocently. If this is you tell me what I was wearing" Nothing. I drive down the interstate and look in all the cars and then come home to check CL to see if anyone missed a connection with the "Sexy dark haired girl in the toyota going towards the MMBT on 664, you eyeballed me and picked your nose. I want to take you out." Still nothing. I get up every day, shower, get dressed and go out just so someone can miss a connection and look for me on CL. Don't approach me in public. I'm waiting for you here. <ul> <li> Location: All over Hampton Roads <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-15T14:56:49-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nfk/920438509.html Why doesn't anyone ever miss a connection with me? text 2 Girls on Bus http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ott/918487918.html When you got on the bus talking excessively loud I gave you the benefit of the doubt... I noticed you (the one with platinum blonde hair) had some anime keychains and laminated drawings on your backpack (I don't quite care for Deidara [from Naruto] but I did not mind the Light and L and Riuk [DeathNote]). When I actually started listening to what you and your friend was talking about I was aghast and apalled! How could someone in their right mind, in this day and age, use the word "like" more than 150 times from Westboro to Bayview (I started counting)... I was sickened. And when the girl, who got on at Tunnys Pasture, came on and proceeded to sit in the seat you weren't going to sit in and had to move your backpack out of the way to get to the seat, I thought that you and your friend did not need to stop your horrifying conversation and glare her. And to make matters even more unbearable the topic of your conversation was religion! I believe the term you didn't know was Agnostic, even though you just tell people you're Atheist. And no English is not the most spoken language in the world... Your friend, in some stroke of non-retarded genius, was right about there being more people speaking Mandarin/Cantonese. To which you replied, "Well, like, that's like, because all those like, people, like started learning Mandarin, like, like a couple like, years ago." (Give or take several "likes") I, dumbfounded, could only shake my head and shudder... and leave the bus very quickly, which the girl you glared at did also. So, like, when you, like get on, like, a bus and like, your like, having a conversation like that, like with your, like friend. Please consider, like everyone else who, like, have to like, put up with your like, incessant chatter.Like like, you like kinda sound like slightly like brain damaged! <ul> <li> Location: 95 Orleans (Westboro) <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-14T02:15:16-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ott/918487918.html 2 Girls on Bus text homemade motorcycle http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/atl/917410616.html I have a homemade bike me and my brother built many years ago. Runs and drives but the back tire kind of rides sideways. The seat blew out a few years ago and I made do with a sofa cushion, duct tape and a couple of 2x 4's ( the ultimate fix! ). It runs like a champ but does smoke alot especially if you are hard on the gas. Uses about a quart of oil for each gas fillup. I usually just put the oil directly in the gas as it is going to burn it anyway and that way it is easy. Can't drive over 12 miles or so at a time as the motor gets red hot and starts loosing power so probably a good bike for someone who drives locally. Does backfire and squeel pretty loud occasionally so I usually wear earplugs of some kind. DOES NOT pass emmissions so would need to be registered in a county without emmisions check. Great first bike otherwise! <img src="917410616.jpg"> <ul> <li> Location: centerville <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-13T11:17:10-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/atl/917410616.html homemade motorcycle text ride happy - red line east bound to university circle - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cle/915926981.html <img src="915926981.jpg"> <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-12T10:28:30-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cle/915926981.html ride happy - red line east bound to university circle - w4m text Room for Rent -- Inauguration Day/ObamaCon 2009 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/914613135.html In a search of a room in DC so that you can spend Jan. 20 standing in the bitter winter cold with thousands of like-minded souls watching the historic transfer of power from one Harvard grad to another? Look no further. Me: Heartless, greedy right-wing oppressive type looking to make a buck. You: Obama's election was Christmas/your first kiss/May Day all wrapped into one. You dutifully wore his button -- which you have yet to remove -- contributed money to his campaign from your non-profit job and chanted "yes we can" as if it were the 11th commandment. A strange void now exists in your life and -- like an old hippie looking to recapture the spirit of Woodstock -- you are undertaking a pilgramage to Washington for one last gulp of the Kool-Aid. Along with my bedroom you will have access to the house's many amenities including cable television (not that you watch much TV) for viewing Keith Olberman's latest unhinged rants and CNN in high-def. Wireless internet means that the Huffington Post and DailyKos are only a click away on your MacBook. American flags and other patriotic paraphernalia in the room can be removed upon request. The house is located in the diverse neighborhood of Adams Morgan with people of many different skin pigmentations that will allow you to revel in your tolerance. Rest assured, however, that this diversity does not extend to ideology and that you are sure to march lock-step with the prevailing sentiment ensuring that your most strongly held beliefs remain unchallenged. Easily accessible subway and bus stops will help ensure a minimal carbon footprint while fair trade coffee is never more than a few steps away at any number of independently-owned establishments. Nearby non-chain bookstores similarly mean that tomes such as Mao's Little Red Book, Chomsky's latest masterpiece or additional copies of The Audacity of Hope can be easily purchased either for yourself or as early holiday shopping. Rather than state a price I am requesting that you bid on this fabulous opportunity to ensure profit maximization on my part so that I can better weather the Bush Recession. Lanier Pl. at Ontario&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a target="_new" href="http://maps.google.com/?q=loc%3A+Lanier+Pl.+at+Ontario+Washington+DC+US">google map</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a target="_new" href="http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=Lanier+Pl.+at+Ontario&amp;csz=Washington+DC&amp;country=US">yahoo map</a><ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-11T11:45:24-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/914613135.html Room for Rent -- Inauguration Day/ObamaCon 2009 text To the Creeper in the Vibrator Aisle - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sdo/914125588.html You: 5'11" thin Caucasian male, 50-60 years old. Me: 5'3" thin Asian female, glasses, World of Warcraft shirt. I looked up and our eyes met as you entered the store. I didn't make eye contact because I was interested; I merely looked up because the sound of the door had startled me. When I looked back down at the array of vibrators in front of me, it was NOT an open invitation for you to come up behind me and breathe down my neck. When I walked away quickly after you REACHED your arm around me in order to grab the rabbit vibrator I was eyeing, I was NOT playing hard to get. While I realize I may seem like I am unattached and possibly in need of a guy due to my obvious interest in games like World of Warcraft (my shirt), I have no problem piquing the interest of guys who are within my age range. While I realize that girls who make visits to their local pornery may seem like they are loose, strange, and particularly kinky, learn to not assume that they're interested in being followed by someone who roughly resembles their 11th grade AP History teacher. TLDR; Girls who go to the porn store probably enjoy sex, but realize that if they're even remotely attractive and young, they're probably not interested in fucking someone who is unattractive and in their 50s. If they ARE a part of the minority that are enticed by extremely older guys, they will likely approach you. Go away, Creeper; Lurk elsewhere. <ul> <li> Location: F Street, Chula Vista <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-10T19:40:30-08:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sdo/914125588.html To the Creeper in the Vibrator Aisle - w4m text Draws and Drawers http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/912206701.html File cabinets with draws, dressers with draws, desks with draws. There are ads all over Craig's List for furniture with "draws." Do you folks by any chance mean "drawers?" A drawer is a box-like thing that is housed in a piece of furniture and that rotates in and out. It's used for storage. A "draw" is many things, but it is not a "drawer." Are there really so many people who are confused about this? People in the Marina and SOMA? You don't know what a drawer is? I mean, I hate to be a stickler, but come ON. Not knowing how to spell drawer means you've never read *anything.* Not a work of classic literature, not a pulp novel, not a comic book, not a catalogue, not a magazine, not a newspaper. The word drawer is everywhere. Literature: Madame Bovary kept things in drawers. Jo March used drawers. Franny and Zooey used drawers. Portnoy used drawers. Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, and the Three Investigators all solved mysteries by striking an old desk, thereby unlatching a "secret drawer." Drawers aren't only in old literature; they are in recent, highly regarded and prize winning literature: staggering geniuses use drawers. People for whom things are illuminated use drawers. Even in current best-sellers there are drawers. According to a millisecond-long A9.com search, on page 31 of The Story of Edgar Sawtelle (#62 in Oprah's Bookclub), "...[at] odd moments she might discover Trudy rearranging the chest of drawers..." And in Extreme Measures - a Thriller (2008), on page 271, someone opens a drawer to take out a pack of Marlboros. There are many, many, maaaaany others. It's more likely than not that any work of fiction will refer to a drawer at some point within it's pages. In advertising: have you never heard of "top drawer service?" Even the newspaper is full of advertising references to Cost Plus World Market weekend deals on rattan wine bars with iron bottle-racks and MDP "utility drawers." Or Macy's blowout furniture "events" where bedroom sets include several items with drawers. Bed, Bath and Beyond sells things with drawers. Instructions for putting together IKEA furniture make references to these things called "drawers." While it's possible you are confusing drawers with "draws," those flat, pull-out trays that might be on a taboret or tool chest, that's still doesn't contradict the fact that you don't read enough to know how to accurately represent that storage-box part of the furniture you are selling. You don't recognize or spell correctly the word "drawer." Is this such a big deal? Not knowing how to spell a word? Maybe, maybe not. Though I'd perhaps be less concerned if you were having trouble spelling, say, "Czechoslovakia," or "appliqué," or even, "biscuit." Those words aren't as ubiquitous in our lives as the word "drawer." But not knowing "drawer." It says something larger. Something not good. I'm not trying to pick on anyone here. Just to say, this seems to be a disturbing trend and I hope it doesn't mean what I think it means. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-09T13:38:50-08:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/912206701.html Draws and Drawers text **** TOILET FOR TWO **** http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/909076509.html I have come to the conclusion that I must sell my TwoDaLoo, and that saddens me. I purchased this baby for my wife. Well, it was our 4 year anniversary and I really wanted to give her something special, something that I put a lot of thought into, and most importantly something we could do together. I thought what better thing to do together than to poo together. After countless hours of research I found The TwoDaLoo. The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. Its supposed to bring couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. My wife was disgusted and has since left me. I explained to her that we could be as one if we could rock a big one out together. I cant think of a better way to end a romantic dinner out. And how cool would Taco Tuesday have been had she been just a little more open minded. Its just not the same when you use it alone and the empty seat next to me just reminds me of her. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. I purchased the upgraded version; you know the one that includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station. I will provide my personal play list (should you choose to by her) songs like Im Coming Out and You Dropped a Bomb on me and Love Stinks will be just a few. I truly hope that someone can use my T for T (toilet for two) and find the happiness that I was so looking for. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-06T21:20:46-08:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/909076509.html **** TOILET FOR TWO **** text I have a huge bathroom. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/907788944.html I am a female in my mid 60's and I am looking for a room mate. Times are tight and I need some extra money. I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom east village home. My bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it. I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room. This might change as I get to know you better. You may have guest over as long as they are cnfined to the bathroom as well. This might seem a bit odd but please remember the rent is $400 and the bathroom is large. 1 at A&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a target="_new" href="http://maps.google.com/?q=loc%3A+1+at+A+new+york+NY+US">google map</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<a target="_new" href="http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=1+at+A&amp;csz=new+york+NY&amp;country=US">yahoo map</a><ul> <li>cats are OK - purrr <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-06T04:01:32-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/907788944.html I have a huge bathroom. text Lost: My Right To Marry http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/907556239.html I went to bed early last night and when I woke up, I discovered I'd lost my right to marry. It's pretty easy to recognize--four California Supreme Court justices spotted it several months back, although it took them a long damn time to finally find it. It's in like-new condition--I personally haven't had a chance to use it yet, and was really looking forward to the opportunity. A couple of my friends and family still have theirs, and even enjoy it so much they've used it several times. If you can find it for me, I'd really appreciate getting it back. I'm not sure, but I think the shady gang of thugs who stole it were heading for Utah or maybe Fresno, so please keep an eye out. Thanks. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-05T18:36:36-08:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/907556239.html Lost: My Right To Marry text 40 flavors Jelly Belly beans http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/904692535.html I have a sealed 17 oz box of "FORTY INDIVIDUAL FLAVORS" Jelly Belly jelly beans. This box is at least a year old, so it may be stale. (Hah! As if that's even possible -- what, with the power of modern candy preservatives.) On the one hand, I'm horrified at the idea of releasing this item of no nutritional value out into the world to inflict damage and decay upon the digestive systems (teeth included) of willingly indulgent participants. I won't even consider giving it to anyone I know. On the other hand, this has to be good for something. Even for eating (well, you'd have to convince me of that). Maybe better for not eating (you'd have to convince me you / others won't eat it, and that there are far more productive uses for these beans which you will execute). Convince me that you NEED this. ... and it's yours. (Or, convince me that you'll be a good custodian for this sealed box until you reach the breaking point and need to pass it on for the good of both your sanity and the world -- I don't want the responsibility anymore.) <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-03T15:56:29-08:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/904692535.html 40 flavors Jelly Belly beans text Blowjobs for Obama - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/903864836.html I realize this is a safe blue state, but in a last ditch effort to spread the good word of Obama and offer up my totally awesome blowjob to anyone (especially Republicans) who vote for Barack Obama for president tomorrow! My blow job is so good, I could probably get McCain to vote for Obama, assuming it didn't stop his heart dead cold. Palin too, for that matter because I rock at that as well. And while I can only have a local reach in this effort, it'd be awesome to see if this could spread around the country and have there be lots of blowjobs for Obama. Yes we can! ETA: Wow, this is really popular so far. I'm sorry I won't be able to get to all the Republicans and undecided voters (I only have so much free time), but keep on with the Democratic spirit guys! ETA: Thanks everyone for the replies! Count 3 of NY's votes for Obama as my doing. :) As for everyone else who I couldn't respond to/blow (there were over 100 responses!) I hope you'll consider some of Obama's good points as you head into the booths tomorrow. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-03T10:12:08-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/903864836.html Blowjobs for Obama - w4m text Dear Craigslist, Thank you - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/903397393.html I know you are a web site, so you do not feel as normal humans feel. But you should still be thanked for the magic that you were able to connect between two troubled souls. Not long ago, a random "let's talk" post cross your pages, and garnered a response from another soul in the same situation: just looking for someone to talk to. The two moved from your domain into their own and spoke constantly. They met, and had a wonderful time together. They felt things neither of them believed they deserved, and felt things they'd forgotten over the years. You put them together. All they did was click. And by clicking, they "clicked." I just wanted you, Craigslist, to know that last night, the two of them were awaiting their dinner when he suddenly took a knee and said to her, "(Name blurred), you asked for my heart, but you saw into my soul. I have nothing left that I can give you other than my life. Will you marry me?" And she responded, "Just kiss me already." A month ago, they were complete strangers. 24 hours ago, they agreed to embark on life's greatest journey together. And none of that could have been possible -- with these two people -- without your help. So, from both of us, we say Thank You, Craig. And to all of the souls who continue to seek their true love, it really is possible. <ul> <li> Location: Stairway to Heaven <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-02T17:42:21-08:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/903397393.html Dear Craigslist, Thank you - m4w text BARTER: looking for macbook http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/902311645.html i need a macbook for school. i have the following and am willing to trade: - pack of napkins - can of vegetables (you choose the vegetable) - robin hood: men in tights dvd - half used glade candle - fresh linen scent - bottle of lemon-lime gatorade (unopened!) - 19 ziploc sandwich bags - pack of tube socks - box of 63 crayons (missing cadet blue) - bag of pogs - "chicken soup for the horse lover's soul II" book - black belt (not a karate belt) - 60 watt light bulb - home-made play dough - button with a picture of a chicken saying "where's the beef?" - button with a picture of a cow saying "where's the chicken?" - bag of ranch corn nuts if you are interested in trading your macbook for any of the previously listed items please email me. thank you! <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-01T20:36:34-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/902311645.html BARTER: looking for macbook text Will Scream at your obnoxious kids in trade for light yard work. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/901965406.html Are your kids driving you crazy? Are you in need of some relief? Are you handy with an edger or some trimming shears? Let's trade! I'll bawl out your unruly tribe. In return, you can help with some light yard work. What say you? <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-11-01T12:49:47-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/901965406.html Will Scream at your obnoxious kids in trade for light yard work. text Dear Montreal http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/899245647.html Dear Montreal, Go ahead, and jab me in the subway with your hardback novel, and then make a tutting noise at me for being in your way. Go ahead and walk with two friends, six inches between each of you, on the same sidewalk, and roll two pairs of eyes if not all three when I walk up in the opposite direction, breaking your stride. I love you, and you cant stop that. Even your weather cant stop that, and if anything could, it would, with your hot as Georgia summers and refusal to air condition or even dehumidify. I actually dont mind your winters too much myself what I dont like is how your winter makes YOU feel. Well, that, and the fact that you want every indoor space heated above 80 degrees Fahrenheit from October through April. We both know that youre not one to let a little snow and ice get in your way. My God! A blizzard comes through and youve cleared it all away within half a day. Thats you, Montreal! But youd think you were Moscow, with the way you carry on about how winters on the way when the first hint of a cool breeze blows across you in August. Has my undying love not warmed you yet, even a little? I hate to see you ruin your beautiful autumn year after year by moaning about winter coming from the first day the temperature dips below sultry until the W word actually comes for real sometime in December. Life is short, Montreal, dont wish it away. I love you and want to see you smile like you do when its almost the jazz festival and promise is in your air. Go ahead. Tap your cars bumper against my heels a few times as I run through the rain on the green light. That wont stop my love. Go ahead and hit me if you want to I could actually use the money! Oh wait, if you hit me, all I get is a predetermined sum from the provincial government based on their assessment of level of my physical and mental suffering. That is, as best I understand it from the rather confusing brochure on this that was sent to me in French, unlike some other things you send me, that are in both English AND in French. I think you explained it one night when we were drinking, so it's kind of hazy. But I remember you said something about only stuff that has to do with health and safety is translated into English? Anyway, did I mention I love you? Go ahead. Answer the simple queries I pose to you in French in disdainful English. The fact that I cant understand 100% of your automobile insurance literature or be hip with your slang is proof that the two decades spent learning your language, which included acquiring a university degree in French and spending vast amounts of time other, lesser Francophone nations, were not quite enough. I think you did understand though, that I did it all for you, because I love you, and this is why you gave me a day job. I thank you for that. I will do whatever it takes. One day, it will come naturally to me to enter a shop and instead of saying, Bonjour, jaimerais une baguette, sil vous plait, I will say, Seigneur! Lhiver sen vient! Heille, tu as-tu un pain complet biologique aux atocas? Or somesuch. And you will answer me, accordingly, however that is, and I will quiver with ecstasy. I swear, I am trying, because Montreal, baby, I love your French. Please never stop talking that way. Keep being insanely creative with the boring old traditional notions of grammar, usage and form and keep twisting your mouth assymetrically over your vowels that really makes me hot. Lord, is anything more tiresome than Paris, with its prune-lipped, pantyhose and perfume French and its chilly delight in psychological manipulation, including but not limited to its never-ending campaign to convince you how serious, intelligent and too busy it is for you? While some of us, like you and me, Montreal, are too busy doing real things to spend hours lounging around playing mind games. I even love your rules about French signage and all, and all your other rules for that matter, because how am I to do what is expected of me if I dont know what that is? Thank you for being so clear, Montreal, and for being such a mensch whenever faced with either of the two assholes to which you are wrongly compared New York or Paris. You are gracious beyond comprehension, and this inspires me. It actually was one of the ways I knew that how I felt about you was much, much more than physical. What got me, though, is the sincere way that underneath it all, you believe in yourself, and you dont just give yourself away to the first person who asks. This is evidenced in so many ways. One way is your food. I hope I wont hurt you when I say this, Montreal, but we both believe in being straightforward, so Im going to take a chance a lot of your food is really bad. More than half of it, actually. Like, bad enough to be sent back to the kitchen in other cities. But you have convinced the rest of the continent, at least, that you have the best food on it. And it would be true if all your food was as good as your food that is good, which is probably what you believe is true, or could or will be true? Anyway, we all have our dreams and delusions, and the fact is, your good food is absolutely exquisite, and has to be patiently waited for and then magically discovered by those who really want it kind of like true love! But if you dont care enough to try to find it, there are many traps along the way, like the hybrid food troughs with Chinese, Japanese, Italian, Greek, Turkish and Canadian food which always offer some scary-sounding thing called pizzaghetti, or the overpriced places that charge a lot of money for odd and maybe not so delicious things, like truffle ravioli in a fenugreek-wasabi infusion or foie gras on French fries. Your PR campaign has worked brilliantly, despite being home to a host of professional restaurant reviewers who are very specific when they don't like a place. Hey, two years ago, you had a big-name American food magazine devote an entire issue to you and I read the whole thing, of course. They knew about your bagels, but did they know about your Ethiopian or Spanish restaurants? Did they know where your best Chinese food is? No, because they were too mind boggled by the fact that the lesser product known in their country as pastrami is called smoked meat here, and several pages were devoted to them wrapping their minds around that. Thats not real love, Montreal. Not like mine. I wouldnt question your judgment that way. I never even asked what smoked meat was. I just wanted to taste it, and since then, all I want is more. Lets feed the world a plate of foie gras pizzaghetti avec sa sauce de figues biologiques du Québec, Montreal, and lets you and I go out to a bring-your-own. My treat. I know one with a fireplace, and Ive got a bottle for each of us. Because I love you. And, I want to know where youre keeping the real pizza. <ul> <li> Location: Montreal <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-30T11:06:20-04:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/899245647.html Dear Montreal text Daniel at Planned Parenthood - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/abq/898542617.html You: The bearded, bescrubbed, tatooed office manager on duty at the Candelaria Planned Parenthood. Me: The blonde female who came in for an annual exam this afternoon and is undoubtedly violating some code of privacy/ethics by trying to hit on you. You kindly and thoroughly assisted me with all my requisite paperwork for today's visit. After handing you documents disclosing the intimate details of my personal health and sexual history, discussing my insurance coverage, and (for good measure) talking about my presidential preferences and voting status, I found myself wondering whether you were this friendly to everyone (read: single). I realize it's your job to find out how many sexual partners a girl has had and hand her a cup to pee in, but I felt like we might have had a special spark. Charm, confidence, the ability to multitask, and a heightened awareness of STDs are all very attractive qualities to me in a man, and provided you're not gay, I'm pretty sure our mutual openness regarding all things sexual would bode well for "outside the clinic" compatibility. If you're interested and available, let's go have coffee/drinks sometime. (This is obviously a slightly unorthodox invitation, but I figured it was less objectionable coming from the patient than the provider.) If you want to wait until my test results come back to respond to this, that's fine too. <ul> <li> Location: NE Heights <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-29T16:16:41-06:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/abq/898542617.html Daniel at Planned Parenthood - w4m text Necrophiliac seeking corpse http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/894700478.html Seeking a tall, well-muscled insomniac to indulge a very particular fantasy. I would like to see you lie motionless on a green-and-cream chintz bedspread, face-up, wearing only your plaid boxer shorts, with your arms crossed on your chest like a corpse at an open-casket funeral. You will sleep like a cat, and I will watch you, ignore you, go out for a coffee, or possibly photograph you with my BlackBerry. When you awaken, we will watch low-quality American television and eat coconut sorbet. Snorers, sheet-stealers, seafood-eaters and those with a post-CEGEP education need not apply. <ul> <li> Location: Clarion hotel <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-26T21:33:12-04:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mon/894700478.html Necrophiliac seeking corpse text To my lovely BUS passengers http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/893944547.html Greetings from your friendly bus driver! I greatly appreciate your efforts to speed things along for all of us by hopping out of your seat and striding up the aisle toward the door while we're still a block or so from your stop. However, I must point out that this actually costs us more time because when I see you in my mirror I must slow down and do everything much more slowly. Why do you think this might be? Well, the streets are full of bicycles, skateboards, escaped pets, clueless fellow drivers veering in unpredictable ways, and yes, even bus driver un-forced errors! This, in turn, means that there may well be a need to tap, or god forbid, really nail the brakes. What happens then? Well, according to the laws of Newtonian physics, you fly horizontally throughout the bus interior until you crush your skull against the farebox, or if the oncoming traffic is lucky enough to get the slide show, the inside of the windshield. Oh, you say, that won't happen to me, I have excellent balance, I'm a surfer (skateboarder, jogger, yoga buff, tightrope walker etc.); or better yet, Don't worry, I'm holding on to the handrail... heh heh heh... Well, I'll admit, this will help if I accidentally nudge the curb while pulling into the stop at 2 or 3 MPH, but if a real sudden stop is required, you will probably just rip your arm off on the way to your safety glass facial. Now there'll be blood in the aisle AND on the windshield to clean up. Do you know what happens to the driver when a passenger falls down and sustains a serious or fatal injury on the bus? Discipline? Firing? Criminal charges? No, it's than far worse than that. It's.... paperwork! And not just for me. We have to park there while every single person on the goddamn bus fills out a witness card to give their version of events. Some people take a half an hour to remember their own name. So do not be so selfish as to put us all through that. You wanna crack your skull, go do it on your own time. And if I should, in a moment of ill-advised giving-a-fucking-shit, ask you to just relax and sit tight till we pull up in about another 15 seconds, just sit the fuck down and don't start an argument with me while I am dodging a homeless guy with twigs in his beard who stumbles off the curb a few feet in front of us and stoops down to embrace the front bumper because he mistakes if a long-lost child. And another thing-- why is it that 9 out of 10 senior and/or physically disabled riders stand and walk (or attempt it) on the way to their stops? No shit, you guys are the worst offenders of all! I am not "profiling" here; you fuckers INDENTIFY YOURSELVES with Senior/Disables ID cards in order to get half fare. Some of you people can hardly stand, you can barely step onto the bus without dropping dead, you take 10 minutes to shuffle 10 feet down the aisle to get a seat. And then, half of you are on walkers, for fuck's sake, and you have to get up and lean on a device ON WHEELS while you walk forward in a forward-moving bus. "It's OK," you say, "I'm holding onto my walker." Do I even need to point out the idiocy of this? Why not just stand on a skateboard? Even you guys with serious degenerative nervous system conditions that have caused total muscle atrophy and require the use of not one but TWO canes... man, you people scare the SHIT out of me. I am just trying to get you to your destination SAFELY, can you give me a fucking break? What is the deal with the Senior and Disabled riders? Are you trying to prove that you don't need any special consideration, that you can cope with life just like any other citizen? Well if that's the case then you can SIT THE FUCK DOWN like any other citizen. I am not discriminating against you because you are clearly one tremor away from breaking your fall with your forehead. I tell all kinds of young and physically fit riders to please sit down. I don't need a demonstration of your locomotion chops. You want to tell me "Hey man, in spite of this walker I can run like a deer," that is great, I'll be very impressed. DON'T BUS-SURF. And you think this is my pet peeve? How about when I play the COMPANY-SUPLLIED recorded message to "Please keep your seats while the bus is in motion?" You think I recorded that just for you? No. The management doesn't want to do the paperwok either, let alone deal with your bullshit lawsuit... oh yeah, you could set your watch on that one. And don't even get me started on you self-centered twits on your cell phones. The whole bus does not want to hear about your yeast infection, how much you puked after the kegger ("Dude, it was SICK!"... as in really great), or what kind of lettuce you saw at the supermarket. And you special cases who get on, take a quiet piss on one of the seats, and then get off one stop later... well all I can say is fuck you. That pretty much covers it. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-26T07:10:33-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/893944547.html To my lovely BUS passengers text Hideous, Mean, Saggy-titted Cur http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/891762377.html Okay, so about three months ago my roommate takes in this stray dog. She's horrible, and I'm a dog lover, so I don't say that lightly. I say that as heavily as possible. And please don't flag this post for removal, because there is a real dog whose life is at stake here, and although you may disagree with my not writing flowery Ad-Man prose about her, hell, I'm just being honest. This dog sucks. When my roommate found her on the streets, she was malnourished and skittish and had heart worms. You know, I've read more and more stories about pets being abandoned lately because of the economy. I recently got back from a gay wedding in California where one of the grooms had just rescued a Papillon he found starving in a ditch. He was neurotic and defensive for like the first few days, but now a week later he has settled in, and is doing great. And the Papillon's doing well, too. But this pendulously mammaried cur - Elzora, my roommate calls her, though you might as well be meowing at her, because she doesn't know the difference - she is not like that. Not. Like. That. At. All. This is not the precious, precocious Papillon someone rescues from a ditch. This is the miserable, ugly bitch (I use the term technically) that you make a little scrunchy-face at while glancing at it askance...before calling fricking Animal Control. Roomie, who seriously must have a heart the size of the state, felt sorry for her and took her in and he fed her and took her to the vet. Roomie and I are poor, but he treated her heart worms, got her shots, etc., all with the idea that eventually he was going to put her up for adoption here or take her to a no-kill shelter. (Roomie is also, evidently, a dreamer.) But then she's got behavior problems (which I'm getting to...), and is as ugly as a dead frog squashed by a semi (which I'm also getting to...), and has health issues likely stemming from past abuse (which oh boy, I'm getting to...). Elzora, or "Mama Dog," as she is more frequently called, is supposedly an Australian Kelpie (according to the vet) though she looks to me like she's got some Doberman in her. But ironically, Kelpies are renown for their agility. Mama Dog is supposedly around 2 years old, but is as agile as a drunk granny on crack. (UPDATE: The hive mind consensus is that she is more Dobie than Kelpie.) If you want to know what she looks like, she's a dead ringer for the Capitoline Wolf. Look it up on Wikipedia while the article is still accurate. So Elzora would be great if you had two infants, for example, that you wanted to abandon in the woods only to have them found Western Civilization. Without the two little baby statues beneath her, though, I have to say that the first thing you notice about Mama Dog is: nipples. Obscenely large nipples. We think she was probably used for breeding or something because there's really no other explanation. I'm not being cruel, I'm just saying. Because there's one nipple in particular that is really disturbing. The rest you could maybe overlook. But she has this one nipple that hangs really low, and it's fat, but then it gets really skinny, and then it gets fat again. It's like it's just barely hanging on, though it's not, and evidently there's nothing 'wrong' with it except how it looks. But man, that nipple is unsettling. Having been used for breeding might also explain the issue with her hind legs. When she lies down, it's normally with her legs fully extended, off to the side. And she walks funny, like her back legs don't bend that well. The vet didn't say anything about it and she doesn't appear to be in any pain, so it may have come from being raised cramped up in a cage, or from always being lying down, nursing puppies, or maybe from giving birth so many times: who knows. She doesn't really run unless she sees a squirrel, but even then it's kind of limpy-gimpy. She loves to play with tennis balls, but because of the past abuse to her rear legs, she just kind of lamely bats them around in front of herself with her front paws. It's endearing in a sad way. I don't know: maybe she'd make a good pet for someone who wanted to teach their children that life is cruel and unfair and that people sometimes mistreat animals. That's not what I'd want to teach my kids, but who's to judge? Anyhow...Kelpie, yes...but the whole Agile Kelpie thing: Just Not Happening. Finally, there's her temperament. She's loving and protective of her humans. Maybe a little too protective, as she can growl at strangers. But put her with a dog that's slightly larger than her and she goes nuts. Like, foaming at the frickin' mouth nuts. She probably would not be a good Dog Park dog, though we've never tried it. On the other hand, she would likely provide excellent protection from zombies. One of my dogs, Chloe, is slightly larger than Elzora and Elzora hounds her constantly. She stares her down, incessantly circles her - she seriously will not leave Chloe alone. Again, maybe due to past abuse or her previous environment, I think Elzora feels like she has to establish herself as alpha dog for reasons of survival. But she's hindered because due to her hips she cannot engage in typical dominance behavior (mounting - yes, even females do it). So she growls and will attempt to corral the dog that intimidates her. If you try to stop her or get her to leave the other dog alone, she will start foaming at the mouth. Seriously. Eventually, Elzora goads the other dog enough that they will fight. She can't win because she's disabled, but she 100% will not listen and will not back down. She doesn't seem to be threatened by smaller dogs...but she would probably be best in a one-dog household. On the positive side, she does appear to be house trained and gets along well with cats. And again, there's the thing with zombies. But okay, seriously, if somebody doesn't take her off of Craigslist, then she's going to the pound, where it's guaranteed euthanasia. My roommate wanted to write a "nice" ad for her, but he's out of town, and frankly, he kept putting it off and putting it off because he probably couldn't think of anything nice to say about her either. He gave me the go-ahead to post an ad and if nobody responds, to drop her off at the pound. PLEASE don't write any sanctimonious responses about all the things we really should do for this dog. My roommate's on disability and I've just moved to town and have yet to find a steady job - I'm doing landscape work currently, and the damn dog's not mine to begin with. But neither of us has the time or money for aggression training or cosmetic nipple surgery or anything else. Simply put, her time here is done and her only hope for a solution now is you. Don't write me with suggestions. Come get her and implement them yourself. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY. <ul> <li> Location: Austin <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-24T11:35:18-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aus/891762377.html Hideous, Mean, Saggy-titted Cur text To the older woman watching me buying condoms - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/889660321.html I was the 20 something guy holding two bottles of chardonay in the condom section of the Dominick's. You were the lovely lady in her 50's peering over my shoulder as I made my selection. I was not aware of your presence until the audible gasp when I reached for a box of ribbed magnums. My date did not go exactly as planned; the wine went down ok but I forgot to use the magnums in the heat of the moment and I think I may have gotten the clap. Long story short I still have a dozen condoms left over if you are interested in going out sometime... <ul> <li> Location: Schaumburg <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-22T18:10:39-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/889660321.html To the older woman watching me buying condoms - m4w text WELL HERE GOES... - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/888457581.html This is weird... I saw you at the park the other day- you know, the one by the school? You were over by that tree taking a leak and I thought that your coat looked GORGEOUS!! I wanted to sniff your rear end and ask if you use liver oil or fish oil supplements but then a bird distracted me (dunno- I think it was a crow) and I ran off. When I came back you were kinda busy eating some poop. Please please please lemme know... <ul> <li> Location: DALLAS <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-21T20:29:08-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/888457581.html WELL HERE GOES... - w4m text To My Missed Missed Connection - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/887304303.html Are you a beautiful woman that has posted a Missed Connection on Craigslist? Did that guy you lusted after never get back to you? Well, I am sorry that I missed your missed connections post. I am way too busy to read every one of these posts so I am going to make this simple. I thought you were hot too. I cant remember where you saw me but I am sure that I noticed you too, so if you will just remind me where we saw each other and what exactly you looked like (a photo would be great for this) I am sure we can pick up right where we left off and you can take me home with you. I will be everything you dreamed of. Waiting for you... -- The Guy who missed your Missed Connections post. * Whatever fantasy you have created in your head since you posted we can play out ** I may look like someone completely different <ul> <li> Location: here <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-21T01:14:52-05:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/887304303.html To My Missed Missed Connection - m4w text Guys without Bikes - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/886862290.html I peruse the CL MCs on the man end over here and I have to say, is there any love for a guy NOT on a bike? It's often the only identifying factor left to describe the man with whom you ladies are so smitten. "You: Red road bike with clipless pedals. Me: Cute brunette....etc." "To the guy on the yellow fixie with...." There's more. Hundreds and hundreds more. Seriously, it's not even effective anymore. There's like 500 hipster dudes out there with a yellow fixie, probably half of them on bart at any given time. If I threw a "Dudes with Yellow Fixie" party I'd probably have to rent out the Cow Palace to house them all. Your ad could turn up any one of them, although actually that probably doesn't bother you much. It seems you hardly even saw the dude, so transfixed as you were by his tats, skinny jeans, and that yellow fixie. Honestly, is this the new chick magnet? Has the red sports car of the 80's been replaced with the fixed wheel bike (not that the environment doesn't thank you)? Has the small, cute dog gone the way of the dodo for conversation starters? What will tiny, crappy dogs do if they're not getting dudes laid? Live in spoiled girls' purses only? How sad. I'm just waiting for the ad that says "You slammed into me from behind, knocking my coffee onto my boss and my laptop onto the ground which now has a cracked screen - I don't know if I'll be able to get my work off of it yet - and then you rode off kicking up gravel into my face as I sank prostrate on my knees behind you trying to recover myself. You had the most amazing red fixed-wheel bike that zipped in and out of traffic, causing a minor accident in which a woman rear-ended an elderly man who still had the reflexes to stop before hitting you. If you want to get coffee, I'd love to meet you!" I suppose I'm just hating. It's the Bay Area and that seems to be what you ladies are into. Just tell me, do I need to actually ride the bike or can I just carry it around so I can get noticed? Because I'm willing. Don't doubt it. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-20T15:38:18-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/886862290.html Guys without Bikes - m4w text Enabler Seeks Addict For Mutually Destructive LTR http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/fre/885514234.html Me: Clean, sober SWF with infinite patience and a degree in astrophysics who gives stellar blowjobs and loves to cook and travel. Reads for fun, loves rock music, xkcd, dive bars, and pays all bills on time. You: Tall, handsome 21-45 year old SWM with moderate to severe meth addiction, raging alcoholism, and a healthy streak of paranoia. Must enjoy late night activities, including (but not limited to) chasing invisible intruders who are crawling around in the rafters trying to find your stash and/or steal things from you, picking at scabs, bundling things together with tape, and drinking shitty domestic beer. Must come home drunk at least 3x a week wanting (but being too drunk to engage in) mediocre sex. Must be willing to keep loaded weapons in bed with us to defend against the crank monsters that come in at night. Must assume that any time I leave the house I am seeking penis elsewhere. Must love animals. Hope to hear from you soon! <ul> <li> Location: Fresno <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-19T15:32:41-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/fre/885514234.html Enabler Seeks Addict For Mutually Destructive LTR text Trade Ungrateful hippie for some bananas http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hnl/884862361.html Hello, if you need an extra stoner around your house to eat some of your food and make lots of noise at night + bring lots of strangers over to help justify that its ok to be completely f**cking retarded, we'll gladly trade for a few bananas or some coconuts. Also in need of a good roommate who appreciates a nice, peaceful home with conscious people. Thanks and aloha <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-18T23:03:24-10:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hnl/884862361.html Trade Ungrateful hippie for some bananas text The guy who mugged me - m4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pit/884255877.html Thanks chief, you really made my evening. I was just thinking a few days ago "wow it's be a while since anyone stuck a gun in my face" Then you came along like a soft breeze in the night. I think you did a pretty good job, however I could offer a few pointers. 1. After someone has turned out their pockets, that means they are empty. 2. If I don't have a wallet why would I have a bank card? 3. While I didn't have anything in them, I had more pockets than you checked. 4. People often times hide money/drugs in their shoes or socks. Make sure to check those on your next target. 5. A simple please and thank you are always welcome 6. I can understand why you took my cellphone, you didn't want me calling the cops. But really, it's the only thing I had. Why not just strip the battery or something? I really needed that. Plus the thing is like 8 years old, you can't even sell it. Jerk. 7. Pick better targets, Occams razor might help here. If he looks poor then it leads to believe that he is poor. Why risk jail time, and serious time at that over a poor guy, at least get some cash outta the deal. 8. By being a African American mugger you are really reinforcing stereotypes. I hope this helps mugger, I really hope you are enjoying my phone. I kept calling but you won't pick up. I'm so sad :( Also, quick note to the cops. A guy at 3 in the morning jumping up and down and waving his arms in an X shape over his head needs help, he is NOT waving hello. But thanks for smiling and waving back, really made my night. To the cars who wouldn't stop for me in south oakland, looking back I don't blame you. I hear there are criminals on the streets. <ul> <li> Location: Parkview ave <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-18T14:59:22-04:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pit/884255877.html The guy who mugged me - m4m text Another Bang Lister http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/882636139.html Here's what I think of your Bang List: <big><big><big><big>B</big></big></big></big>utter You were my first lube. You were always there for me; you never asked for anything, you just gave and gave and gave. Sure, I experimented a little, who doesn't? Corn oil, mayonnaise, suntan lotion, Vaseline, hair gel, jam, ManGlide... but you were the first. Yeah, it really brings back the ol' memories. You'll always have a special place in my heart. Hell, I can't even eat popcorn these days without getting a woody. <big><big><big><big>U</big></big></big></big>nderwear You were hawwt. I remember the first time I checked out my Mom's underwear in the dirty clothes hamper; you were flirting with me. Teasing me to try you on. Did you ever tell her that I sometimes wore you while I spanked my monkey? You dawg! She must have weighed 280 pounds, and you were like a circus tent. And her bra? OMG! That was Tasty Hot! She'd come home from a long day at work, all hot and sweaty, and eat her fried-chicken TV dinner while leaning forward on her chair so I could pick the zits on her back. Her bra was just so . . There. I'd sneak a peek every once in a while. You know what I'm saying? Fuckin' A, baby! <big><big><big><big>L</big></big></big></big>ady on page 26 of the Victoria's Secret catalog You were one Hot Babe. You rocked my world. That look in your eyes as I wanked into some Kleenex promised some of the steamiest sex I could ever imagine. If you ever want to hook up again, just be delivered in the mail as usual. Maybe your friend with the juicy-caboosie (page 14) would like to get together for some Spicy-Hot 3-way action? Think about it. <big><big><big><big>L</big></big></big></big>inda, or maybe Lynn, or Lindsay, I'm not really sure I was cruising the New Year's Eve parties, looking for what I like to call Hot Babe Action. Just driving around in my Dodge Aries on a Babe Hunt. I heard your friends in front of the nightclub call to you, You gonna be okay, Lin(something)? You screamed back, (something garbled)!! and then stumbled and flipped them the bird. You were all pretty drunk. I followed you for a few blocks until you went into the park (I wasn't stalking you). I found you there, under a tree, on your hands and knees like a dawg, you Hot Nasty Bitch. You blew a steady torrent of vomit on the grass in front of you, and then planted your face in it with your ass up in the air. I'm pretty sure you said Yes; at least that's what I heard. Damn, I must have pounded your Love Canal 3, maybe even 4 seconds before I exploded. And I could tell from the side of your face that wasn't caked with vomit that, underneath the smeared make-up, you were Hot! Can you believe it? After all these years I still have your underwear (hanging from the rearview mirror of the Dodge Lovemobile) and the genital warts you gave me, and the herpes. You're still the only (human) female who I've slipped the baloney-pony: I'll love you forever. Good times, eh? There was something I've wondered about for a long time: you were sort of unresponsive at the time, and I wanted to get away before any cops came by, so I never got to ask; Was it good for you? <big><big><big><big>S</big></big></big></big>heep (I don't think you had a name) You were my first ungulate. This was at my Uncle Gunter's farm in Iowa. Damn, you were such an animal. After that whole Lin(whatserface) experience, I started to feel some manly pain in my heart. My life felt so empty with her gone. A lot of people don't realize it, but a man has feelings too. A man has needs. And I felt that I needed some poon-tang. A Hot Swingin' Babe, just getting down and dirty. But we were in the middle of Bum-Fuck, Iowa, so I went for ewe. You really helped me through a rough patch; helped me climb back on the Love Train again, get my confidence going so I could go cruising for Hot Babes. I was pretty nervous about playing hide-the-pickle with a farm animal, but you were calm and patient, just chewing your cud while I worked up my nerve. I gave you a handful of clover afterwards so in case you started following me around I could say, Yeah, I gave her some clover earlier. <big><big><big><big>H</big></big></big></big>orrified woman in the bathroom stall next to me I swear that all I was doing was making a simple video of toilets in American public bathrooms. A historical documentation of how we live in America. You'd think that would have some social value, right? Performance art. Right? I had No Friggen Idea that you were in the stall next to me! I couldn't even see the viewfinder for the camera! Hell, I didn't even know this was a woman's bathroom. I'm sorry I didn't look more carefully at the tiny little sign. And anyway, I think it was in Spanish, at least part of it was, and I got confused. I was crowning; I had to go. And I was rubbing one out. . . like it's a big deal. Lots of guys pound the pud while sitting on the can. If the judge had been a guy instead of frigid, bitter, dried-up, man-hating dyke, he would have known that, and I would have walked. Jeez Laweez! Talk about a frame-up! <big><big><big><big>I</big></big></big></big>ke You were my best friend in prison, man. Hombre! We'd kick back, just passing the time out in the yard, talking about Hot-Assed Bitches. Right on, brother! Talking about bras, talking about Lin(whatever), talking about cruising for Hot Smokin' Babes in the Lovemobile. Those were some good times, talking about what we'd do when we got out of the Big House and hooked up with some Sweet-n- Nasty Be-atches. Brother, when you get out in 10-to-15, I'll be waiting for you with the Dodge and we can cruise for some Booty-licious Hot Tamales, or we can go back to my place and watch each other jerk off just like in the Store Room of the Metal Shop at the Big House. Old times, amigo. I'll have a big stack of Victoria's Secret catalogs waiting for you, my man, just full of Hot, Ripe Babes. <big><big><big><big>T</big></big></big></big>astyTime That's my favorite brand of ice cream to eat while I'm hooking up with Hot Bitches on the Internet. T.T. TastyTime ButterNut Double-Fudge. Fuckin' A! That's also one of my screen names, TT. I understand Hot Babes so well now that I'm like a psychologist or some shit. They just have to ask what TT stands for. Tree Top Lover, Baby That's what I usually tell them. But my ladies just call me Tree Top. T.T. Dig? Then we get into all kinds of nasty talk about Trees and being on Top and shit. I tell ya, I know Bitches like the back of my hand. I cruise CraigsList and all the chat rooms getting Hot Babe Action. I'm dialed-in to some really exclusive Eastern European porn (Prestige-level Member), straight to my In Box on the computer where I work graveyard as a security guard at the warehouse. Some Hot Russian Bitch has been writing to me lately; shit, I've got Hot Babes texting me every day. (The word is out, man; the word is fucking out that I'm a major Player, and the bees are buzzing looking for a little honey.) I got some Russian Bitch hitting me up, a Japanese Bitch, all talking about increasing the size of my trouser snake, make her moan with pleasure, that kind of shit. I'm like a Bitch-Magnet, baby. I've gone viral. It seems like every Hot Nasty Babe on the planet is focused on the size of my johnson. All wanting to ride the Stallion. That's another screen name of mine: 1337 Stallion. <hr> And that's the List . . . so far. . . . So, which one of you Hot Smokin' Babes is ready to assume the position on TT's Bang List? I've been taking the pills that I bought over the Internet from the Japanese Bitch and I've been using the vacuum pump; the Pecker has become a Porker. It's a fucking anaconda. It's got to be at least 5 solid God-Bless-American inches of white-meat tube-steak. I am really packing some hammer. I should be issued a warning label. Don't worry about Lin(whozit). I waited for her for 20 years: she had her chance, and the bitch blew it. I'm over her. I'm 41 years old, and it's time for me to move on to new pastures. I've got a job (paid to spank, best job in the world) and my own car (Lovemobile). I'm ready to party (but we can't party at my place because my Mom's retired now and is home all the time). The Lovemobile's got a kick-ass sound system; drop in the 8-track, booty-moving tunes start blasting, and we Par-tay! Any of you Hot Babes think you can handle a real Player? Let's hook up, Bay-Bay. Let's see what you've got. Tell me about our lovely lady lumps. Tell me about how you want to shake your money-maker out on the dance floor with TT. Tell me, Who's your pimpdaddy? Send me something to prime my pump (my love pump, unh!). I won't bite, but I might nibble. Don't be a hater. We can meet. You name the place and time. I'll be the guy in the tan Dodge Aries with the comb-over, Member's Only jacket and Sans-a-Belt slacks. And it's not a beer-belly; think of it as a fuel tank for a sex machine. TT <ul> <li> Location: Hawwt <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-17T07:26:23-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/882636139.html Another Bang Lister text To the guy who drank from the can of Pepsi he found on the ground... - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/881960503.html I thought that was pretty gross at first, but the more I thought about it throughout the day, the more I was charmed by it. I can tell you are outgoing and uninhibited by social norms and I find that very sexy. It inspired me to fish a half-eaten doughnut out of a trash can on my way home from work. It tasted awful, but I felt so liberated. You where dressed kind of poorly and your hair was unkempt (clearly unwashed), but I get the impression that your just a free spirit with bigger priorities then basic hygiene. Perhaps your a modern Aristotle? Would love to discuss Kierkegaard or Nietzsche with you sometime, perhaps over a can of Pepsi? My treat. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-10-16T14:26:27-07:00 Copyright 2009, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/881960503.html To the guy who drank from the can of Pepsi he found on the ground... - w4m text INTELLIGENT, cultured, 22y/o wm seeking Asian women (pref. Nihonese) http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/881177993.html Hello ladies of the internet! I am here today, as are you, to find the love of my life ideally. Now, I am an introspective and reflective man so over my life I've come to realise exactly what I'm looking for in my ideal woman. Personally, I am 22 years old, my name is Perseus, I am attending U of T in the final year of my Engineering degree, and I am a little on the chubby side. I am a dedicated Green party voter and staunchly opposed to the Conversative hordes dashing themselves against the impregnable Liberal/NDP/Green keep of our fine enlightened city. I am fond of discussing philosophy and the meaning of life over a glass of wine in the 'even. As hobbies go, I am an avid gamer and enjoy delving into the myriad artistic realities of animé (the origin of my affinity for Asian culture, which is frankly superior). You MUST fulfill the following requirements: - Asian - Woman - Aged NO MORE THAN 23 - - and NO LESS THAN 16 - Petite build. Ideally no more than 115 lbs. - - but no 'Paris Hilton' bulimics please! I like my women with some meat on them. - Like sushi, animé, and video games.